Beautiful Flowers

I wanted to share a picture of the beautiful flowers that were sent to me in honor of my Mother.

I send my heart filled thanks. Your kindness is overwhelming. God Bless You All!

Monday, April 28, 2008

You never expect that when you wake up and start your day, that bad news will face you head on. Unfortunately for me, that's how my day started. I got the call that every person hates to get. Someone on the other end telling you that your Mother has passed away. My Mother was 83 years old in March. She was a little slip of a person, very tiny and petite. She was always dwarfed by her sons and husband. My Mother is survived by myself and my brother. She was preceded in death by my Father and my younger brother. She had the gift of six grandchildren and eight great grandchildren.

My relationship with my Mother was in turmoil. It was that way most of my life. I am sorry for that, I think that we both deserved better than what we got. The question will always be, what if we had approached our lives differently, would it have made a difference? Unfortunately, it's too late for the what if's. I think I am saddest about that. A very special and wise friend sent me a message that simply said, forget about the bad, and just remember the good. Very good advice to give.

My faith will see me through this time; it always has and it always will.

To my family and friends, I appreciate your kindness and caring, your kind words and the shoulders to cry on. The ears that listen and have listened. You are very special, and I love you for it.

To my three nieces and one nephew, I hope that God will touch your hearts and take the bitterness and anger away, so that you can remember the good years. Forgiveness is the only way to move forward in your lives and become the persons you were meant to be.

In spite of all that passed between us, I loved my "mama", and I pray that somewhere in her heart and soul, she knew that.

Birthday Shopping with Emily

This year when I asked Emily what she wanted for her birthday, she told me a shopping spree. So today was the day. There were two places she absolutely wanted to go, one was the mall, of course, and the second was Gordman's. She loves that store. We went to the mall first, and nosed around in Bath and Body, no sale! Then we went to Aropostel. I am sure I didn't spell that right, but you get the jest. She found the cutest shirt there and a cami to go under it. Now when I take them shopping, I always bring something back for the other sibling at home. We decided that Val needed a purple cami, so we got that for her. By this time, we had hunger set in, so we went to Freddies and I had their wonderful hamburger, and she had, yep, chicken fingers. It was good and we had more energy, so we invaded Gordmans. We were there for a long long time. She headed right for the department that had what she wanted to look at. That girl has good taste, and knew exactly what she wanted. She ended up with a pair of capri's, shorts, three shirts and a pair of shoes, and no self respecting girl can pass up a bottle of goooood smelling perfume. We looked a purses, too, but passed on them. Can you believe that. I need to educate her on the purse thing.

I had a great time with Emily today, and I certainly look forward to doing that again. She's not a dilly dallier, she goes for the meat, makes the choice and by the way, knows her size. She shops like me, if you like it, and it fits, it's a sale. I love you Emily, thanks for a wonderful time.

Overnight at Gramcr~cr'krs

One of the nicest things about being a grama, is when the kids come to stay over night. Shelbie and landon stayed over with me last night. What a treat it is.

We, or it least I, have a great time. I think Landon likes to come over because I have Disney and Nick on my cable. He comes in goes right for the TV in the playroom area. He has favorite shows he watches. Shelbie visits for a while, and then she grabs the pencils, paper, crayons and hits the desk. She also likes to play games on the computer.

We had a good time this visit. After the "thunderstorm" passed last night, we decided it would be a good time to go to Carlos's Okelly's and eat. The kids love chips and salsa and can eat their weight in it. The poor waitress had to keep filling our salsa bowls. The kids can mow that stuff down. After we ate, Landon told me it was the best food he had ever eaten. We took a walk through the Dollartree store, picked up some things, and then made our way back home. We decided to watch the Harry Potter movie that was on, but by close to 10 PM, they were not able to keep their eyes open and we all went to bed. I guess they were tired, because they slept until 9 AM, and we had breakfast, and Emily joined the fray. Shelbie and Emily enjoy being together and they played until Tim collected the kids. I had a wonderful time, they are so much fun and so good to have around. The house is really quiet after they leave.

THE GRAM~CR'KR "FOUR"

This group is known to 'me' as the Gram~cr'kr FOUR. These are the reasons to get up and stay healthy every single day. They are growing up so fast..........

VALLERI: I remember the day Valleri graced our lives. I was a granny for the very first time. She was a little toe-headed beautiful girl. She was the apple of her PAPA's eyes, they made many trips to town and to the dump. She was his co-pilot, along with Skippy the dog. Her treat was always some Juicy Fruit Gum. Time has past so quickly, I wonder where it has gone. Valleri will be entering high school this fall as a freshman. The last few years she has been very active girl. She runs cross country (her first love), plays volleyball, basketball and is currently running on her schools track team. She runs the 1600 meter and 800 meter races. She likes the long distance races. Her eighth grade graduation is fast approaching. I can speak from prior knowledge that she will be the prettiest girl in the class. During her years of involvement in sports she has received the MISS TIGER award every year. I guess you could equate that to MVP, most dedicated, or what ever term you want to use. Valleri doesn't know a stranger, she is a friendly caring young lady. She is diligent at everything she does, that's why I believe she will be very successful at anything she does.

EMILY: We waited for Emi, and when she arrived to meet the family I was taken back. As a baby she was the spitting image of her Daddy. She had a tuft of dark hair, and the most beautiful peaches and cream skin. Emily is a dancer. She has been in jazz since she started dancing. What fun it is to watch her strut her stuff. She loves sports, but I am sure that basketball is her first love. Emily made a 3 point goal during this past season, and I am proud to say that she was the only one in her age group that did, and that included the boys. She also won the free throwing contest for 6th grade girls at her school. Now that's pretty awesome. Right now she is part of her school's track team. She is running the hurdles, and also runs a couple of dashes. She won her heat last week. Oh, one other thing, she is the only girl running the hurdles from her school. I think it's scary, but she doesn't and does a great job. Emily will be a seventh grader in the fall.

Emily is a focused individual, she sets her mind at what she is doing, and always masters the task.

SHELBIE: Shelbie is five months younger than Emily. Shelbie was blond right from the git go. She had those kissable little chubby cheeks. Her smile would melt the coldest of hearts, and it still does. Shelbie is quite the artist. She loves to draw and paint. She made me a picture for Mother's Day last year. I framed it and it hangs in my bedroom. She has been working with pottery and has made some amazing creations. I have a heart shaped dish to vouch for it. She loves sports also, she plays soccer, both indoor and outdoor. She says it's her favorite sport. She plays both defensive and offensive for her team, but she is awesome as a defender. This summer she is going to play fast pitch softball. I like that game, and I can't wait for it to start.

Shelbie will be a sixth grader in the fall. Shelbie is extremely bright. School comes easy for her and her scores for the testing they do were the highest of all the fifth graders in her school. She is an avid reader, likes to read, and we all know that if you master the reading everything else falls into place.

LANDON: I call Landon my little prince. He was robust right from the start. He had a ton of dark hair, and the only one who got those absolutely beautiful brown eyes, well actually they are so dark, the could be black. He is his father's son, a chip off the ole block. Landon loves football. He was part of the third grade Warriors football team last fall. As I have said before, I never much cared for football, but when this little guy plays, everything changes. I have seen him run with the ball, tackle the quarterback, intercept a pass. YEP, he's got it, and I cannot wait until it's time to play again. When he comes off of the field he has this smile that would melt your heart. You can tell he is in his element. It doesn't hurt that he has this dimple that just won't quit. Look out girls, this one is gona be a heart breaker someday. Landon has an imagination that doesn't stop. He can make a game out of anything. His teachers have told his Mother that he is a natural born leader, you know that can't hurt in this life. Landon will be a fourth grader in the fall.

So now you know about the "FOUR", they are terrific kids. My life has been so thrilling with them in it. They are not babies anymore, that's kind of sad, but what they are bringing to my life and the family now is even better. They are everything a grama could want and just in case you didn't know they are the delight of this grama's heart and soul.

My Aunt Celinda

I have thought a lot about my Aunt Celinda these past few days. I have spent the time remembering her smile, her words of wisdom, her compassion, and the unconditional love she has for everyone that has crossed her path. I cannot say I ever saw her angry about anything.

Celinda Josephine Ashlock~Kelsey is the second of five children born to J. Harley and Sarah Elizabeth Ashlock, my paternal grandparents. She was born in Oklahoma and remained there until 1962. She married Roscoe Kelsey. They were married for more than 60 years and blessed with two children; Bill Dean and Linda Diane. She lost her only son Bill Dean, the middle of his senior year of high school. He had an aneurism at the base of his brain. My aunt suffered tremendously at the loss of her son, but she remained steadfast in her faith. Her faith was a very important part of her life, and she lived exactly the way you would have expected a woman of faith to live.

A funny story about the day Diane was born; Diane was born by C-section, so Aunt Celinda was not awake when the doctor and Uncle Roscoe named her. THEY thought she should have another name, other than just Diane. So, Linda became her first name. Needless to say when Aunt Celinda woke up, she was not happy with what had happened. To those who know and love her, she will always be just Diane to us. Diane met and married a wonderful guy. His name is John Dennis, but we call him Dennie. He was welcomed into the Kelsey clan with open arms. Dennie has a very gentle spirit, and for Aunt Celinda it was love at first sight. He was never her son in law; he will always will be her SON! Diane and Dennie were blessed with Aunt Celinda’s only grandson, Michael Dean. I remember when Aunt Celinda spoke of Michael; it was with so much love and pride. He brings her so much joy. She and I talked after Michael and Jennifer were married. She was so pleased with her new “grand-daughter”, and accepted her into the fold; she was a full fledged member of the family. Michael and Jennifer have a beautiful little girl named Megan. Now I don’t need to tell you about the celebration that happened the day that little angel was born, actually, I think they are still celebrating that event. Megan is the apple of her great-grandma’s eye.

My Aunt Celinda lived the majority of her life in Oklahoma. My uncle worked for the Santa Fe Railroad in what they called the Roundhouse. The Roundhouse was in Waynoka Oklahoma. In case you don’t know what a roundhouse is, it is a round building that the train engines were driven into. They worked or repaired what ever was needed, the tracks turned and the engine drove out. Interesting concept. When the Santa Fe closed its offices in Waynoka in 1962, they moved to Albuquerque, NM. He remained at his job until he retired. Aunt Celinda worked in the school cafeteria, and was promoted to manager before she retired. In this part of the country we lovingly call those wonderful ladies “lunch ladies”. (For you Michelle). Aunt Celinda lived in New Mexico until the passing of my uncle. After his passing Diane moved her Mom to the Houston area where she could be closer to her.

There was absolutely nothing that Aunt Celinda didn’t have some knowledge about. She studied politics so she could always make an informed decision when she voted. She knew more about the state of New Mexico than most of the natives. She could read a book in a day, and had quite a collection. These were books that taught you something, not just some sappy storyline. I loved to sit and visit with her, and you could visit with her about anything, she was so well studied. I have often thought how much my son Mark would have loved to sit with her. He reminds me of her, can talk about most anything you want to talk about. I loved to sit in her kitchen and watch her cook. She had a meticulous method to what she did, and she did it very well. Oh my, what a wonderful cook she was. Interestingly enough she could continue to talk and complete what she was doing. The last time I got to spend time with her in a kitchen was several years ago. I went to Texas to visit her and Diane, and she and I prepared the evening meal for Denny and Diane. We laughed and talked as we peeled potatoes. It was a very special time for me and a wonderful memory. She had a beautiful yard, full of glorious flowers. In New Mexico, the backyards are surrounded by stone or brick fences about 6 ft tall, so the yard is completely enclosed. When they left Oklahoma, they brought two box turtles with them. Aunt Celinda said it was their little piece of Oklahoma. They turned the two turtles loose in the yard. The turtles would come up to the door of the screened in porch waiting for a tidbit from her. She would put out scrapes of veggies for them, and they seemed to know when it was time. She told me that some baby turtles appeared, so they must have brought a “pair”. Those turtles were still alive the last time I was in New Mexico, and you never know they may still be roaming that yard.

Going to Aunt Celinda’s was always an adventure, and you had the assurance of having a wonderful time no matter what you did. I, so enjoyed sitting on her screened in back porch. The weather seemed to always be cooperative. In the shade it was cool, so eating a meal out there was a treat. She always had a hummingbird feeder somewhere. I remember the first time I saw one feeding. I was totally amazed. I loved her stories about growing up in Oklahoma with her three brothers and one sister. I bet they were a handful for my grandma. Aunt Celinda loved them all and they loved her back. My Dad always spoke of her with great affection.

I love my Aunt Celinda. She is like a second mother to me. She was the best listener. It didn’t make any difference what you needed her to listen to, large or small she gave you her undivided attention. Oh, she may not have agreed with you, but she listened and respected what you had to say. She would share her opinion with you, but she made sure you understood, it was just “her” opinion. She had a gentle calming way about her; you just knew everything would be okay, because she said so. My Aunt Celinda was truly touched by God, for her position in life. She was the person I could count on in my growing up years; I always knew she loved me unconditionally. That was her gift to me, I will always be grateful for it, and I will always cherish it.

My Aunt Celinda is not the same anymore. She has been ravaged by the disease that will soon claim her life. I was fortunate to visit her last summer. She recognized me for a moment, and she knew I had boys. That was my blessing on that visit. I sit here wondering when that call will come, I know that she is in God’s hands, and her time will come at God’s bidding. I pray for a peaceful passage to her reward, and relief from the pain she is suffering.

In my lifetime, thus far, I have never known a gentler loving person. Thank you My Aunt Celinda, for letting me know that there are Angels Among Us!!

The Ice Cream Birthday Cake

You are looking at a "home-made" ice cream cake. When I asked Emily what kind of cake she wanted for her birthday, she said a chocolate ice cream cake.

Several years ago, Mark and Michelle gave the cake kit that is specifically designed to make this type of filled cake. So, I got out the instructions and began the cake adventure. When I say adventure, you have no idea what paths this cake took to get to where it ended up. When I got up on Thursday, I decided today would be the day I baked this cake. I made one right after I got the kit, it was for Shelbie, so I thought to myself, this was pretty easy, and should be able to knock it out in no time. I sat down book in hand, and read the portion about the ice cream filled one. This cake is baked with three pieces of

a cake pan. One is called the tall pan, one is called the insert, and the last is just a round cake pan. The tall pan has markings on it's side, you know the "fill" line, you mix up the batter, fill the tall pan with batter up to just below the fill line, place the insert pan on top (that's the one that makes the hole", lock it into position, fill the round pan half full, and wall-la, in the oven it goes. I went onto other things, but I started to smell burning cake. So I whipped on the light in the oven, and what do you think I found? Yep, the tall pan was spilling out cake batter all over the oven floor. What to do what to do? I turned "off" the 350 oven, took the cakes out. Waited for a few, took a spatula and cleaned out the spilled cake. This cake is chocolate, so it was a mess. I opened the tall cake pan, used a 1/2 cup measure, and took out about 1 to 2 cups of the batter. Replaced the top, put it back in the oven, and once again went on to other things. Long and the short of this story is this. That cake spilled it's contents 2 more times. Now you would have thought I would have learned something from the first mess, NO NOT ME, after the second time, I put the cake on a round pizza pan. It filled that pizza pan and burned it's contents. Once I cleaned it up the third time, I just knew that cake was going to be the joke of the party. Funny thing about that cake, it turned out okay. Tasted good, and the addition of the vanilla ice cream made it special for my sweet Emily. I have cleaned the oven, and it's all just a memory. It is still a mystery why it happened. Sher-girl and I have mulled it over and over, and I have decided that I either need to cook more, or quit cooking all together, 'cause that mess was the mess to end all messes.

P.S. Have you ever had burned chocolate cake crumbs all over "everything". Well I did, and I don't want it ever again!!

Sher Girl

You are wondering why anyone would be called "Sher-Girl", that's an odd nickname. It's a name her Mom gave her, and it seems to fit. Her Mom, my mother in law, had a name for her son, my husband. Gar-bo, short for Gary boy. So we had Gar-bo and Sher-girl. What's even funnier is we called our son Tim...Tim-bo, well at least that's what his Dad called him. Just thought an explanation of the title was needed, sort of got off the path.

I met Sher-girl when I met Gar-bo, well at least when I met the family. Yes, Michelle, I am the older one. Less than a year however. Sher-girl and I became the best of friends. She was the one who promoted me to the family, so they would let me in to their circle. We had a lot of fun in those days. We went to the drive-in all the time, even in the winter. There were lots of drive-ins to go to in the "olden"days. They had these window heaters. They ran on propane, and it's a wonder we didn't die in the car. It would be so cold outside, that the windows would ice up inside. Yes, we scraped the windows on the inside so we could see our "favorite" movie: Irma LaDouce. I don't know how many times we saw that movie, maybe Sher-girl knows. We liked that movie so much we each have it. At that time I was a hairdresser, and so we had lots of fun changing hairstyles and of course color. You never knew for sure what we were gona look like after a day of primping. Sher-girl and I have been friends for over 45 years. That's a long long long time.

When Sher-girl got married she moved to Washington. I don't remember how long she was there, but I missed her. When she came home, I was happy she did.

A lot of water has gone under the bridge these past 45 years. But what remains true is our friendship. We still have fun together, but not the drive-in thing. I think we're too old, couldn't possibly stay awake long enough to see two movies, let alone the three they show at the only drive in movie left. We have talked about it, just no action taken. I think one thing I enjoy the most is the shopping. Have you ever shopped with Sher-girl. Well let me tell you it is an experience. She will pick up something she likes, and the whole time you are walking around, she is pondering the purchase. Nine chances out of ten, she will decide against it. Just when you think it's a done deal, the game changes. I LOVE IT!! Nothing with her is written in stone when it comes to shopping.

We decided to take up beading. We enrolled in the classes and away we went. We had a lot of fun trying, and we talk about getting together to create, but haven't done that. Somebody is always spilling the beads, and you know who you are. Ever tried cleaning up seed beads from a bare floor? Not fun, and you clean them up for weeks and weeks. Some of our masterpieces hang around the necks of our family members, or on their wrists. I think they wear them so they won't hurt our feelings. Those family members are great sports and we love you for it.

Sher-girl is my sister in law, but will always be a best friend first. We shared dark times during our friendship, we have shared happier ones too. We became parents, grandparents and now Sher-girl is about to become a "great granny". Does that make her older than me..........NOW!! What do you think. Actually, I am in no hurry to be a "great granny", I think I have lots and lots of time for that event. Anyway, we are all looking forward to the new baby. It's been a long time since there was a wee one to grab onto.

So, here's to Sher-girl, a friend through thick and thin. I am toasting you with a can of Diet Cherry Cola, but I would much rather it be some expensive champagne! Love you!!

My BFF

Everyone has a best friend, or maybe several. If you are lucky enough to have more than one, then you are blessed. I have been lucky, I have several I call my best 'buds'. But........there is always one that you can count on no matter what. It doesn't matter what you say, what you do, or the mess you might have gotten yourself into, that one person is always there for you. They listen and they don't judge you. What you say to them never never goes any further than the room your in. They help you see when you are wrong, and give you guidance to get to the right place. They wipe the tears from your face when you cry, and tell you not to worry, the sun will come up tomorrow. They defend you to others when you have taken a stand. They give you comfort when someone you love dies and most importantly they love you unconditionally.

If you have someone in your life like that, HANG on for dear life, because they don't come along very often. My best friend in life is no longer here. He has gone on to a better purpose and place. I miss him more than I could ever put into words on this page. He was my best friend, my soul mate, and the love of my life. There is an empty space in my soul for my BFF, oh how I miss him. I miss the guidance, the hugs, and just knowing he would be there no matter what. I miss the simple things he did, but mostly I miss hearing those three little words he said every single day for 34 years 3 months and 26 days......"I LOVE YOU"

Thank you Michelle for the memory. I was touched.

Here I Am

Here I am, deal with it.
My daughters in law do this, so thought I would try it. It's much better than reading a newspaper, and a whole lot more entertaining. I enjoy reading theirs and I hope you enjoy mine.

Retirement

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.Old age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body­- but I don't agonize over it for long. I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4 am, and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50's & 60ies, and if I at the same time wish to weep over a lost love, I will. I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten ­ and I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect. I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray(and only Sara knows for sure), and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. I can say "no", and mean it. I can say "yes", and mean it. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer the question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. For the first time in my life, I don't have to have a reason to do the things I want to do. If I want to play games on the computer all day, lay on the couch and watch old movies for hours or don't want to go to dinner or a movie, I have earned that right. I have put in my time doing everything for others, so now I can be a bit selfish without feeling guilty.I sometimes feel sorry for the young. They face a far different world than I knew growing up, where we feared the law, respected the old, the flag, our country. I never felt the need to use filthy language in order to express myself. And they too will grow old someday.I am grateful to have been born when I was, into a kinder, gentler world. Yes, I like being old and retired!